Archive for November, 2015

I know that there are some people out there who need to attribute a cool sounding name to an otherwise mundane activity. Just like vegan is nothing more than “I’m actually a giraffe” and hipster is “I wear overpriced thrift shop gear” and yoga is just a fancy word for “Indian stretching.”

But even the above cases are just the tip of the iceberg, and have been selected because they came to mind first, except for the most egregious example of them all. I remember the first time that I heard the term “spin class.” It was when I was watching the first season of Archer, and the exact sentence was “On Tuesdays, he runs a really rigorous spin class.” The context around the conversation was where Archer and Cyril were discussing the training involved to become a top spy, and that the same trainer teaches Krav Maga. Naturally, my first impression of “spin class” was that it was for the tough and badass.

“What the fuck is spin class?”, I wondered. As a child, did you ever spin in a circle for as long as you could, seeing how long you could go before your balance completely phoned it in and you banged your head off of the coffee table and spent 3 days in a coma? That is exactly the type of person who would think that spin class would be fun.

(Disclaimer: I only spun outside, because dizzily stumbling into traffic is hardcore.)

Yeah.. that is what I thought spin class was. It turns out that that would have been more entertaining than what it actually is.

Spin class is nothing more than indoor cycling, and not even the cool indoor cycling where you go to an ancient coliseum known as a Velodrome and you meet with fellow warriors clad in vibrant armour that was then known as Spandex (current iteration: yoga pants, or “base layer”), and you engage in a war of attrition to see who can race in circles the most times before their minds and bodies collapse out of sheer despair. No, this is indoor cycling where you accomplish nothing except sweating beside a pungent human being who decided that a spin class is a great precursor to the hot yoga class she’s attending right after, and can’t stop telling you about it during the downhill portions of the class. Or whatever the fuck they call the downtime during the class.

I truly appreciate the value of marketing in today’s world, but when the term is so disjointed from what it’s supposed to describe, it crosses over into the misleading. I understand that the term “yoga” is based on the historic usage of the term, predating even Youtube ads and sketchy browser sidebar advertising hot MILFs that want to meet me. Terms based on historical merits get a pass. But there has to be a limit to this, otherwise “vegan” won’t mean “I probably don’t shave” and “free candy” is going to stop being a synonym for “Get in the van.”

Won’t someone think of the children?

Source: If you search Wikipedia for “spin class” it automatically redirects you to “indoor cycling.” I rest my case.

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